She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
