I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
