I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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