I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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