I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
