this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
