Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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