The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
