Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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