I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
