he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize