Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
