I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
