Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
