I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize