He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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