Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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