Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
