She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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