One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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