i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
