I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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