My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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