You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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