Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
