I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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