I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
