just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Drunk is a universal language darling
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
