I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize