I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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