I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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