In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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