If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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