did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
