I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
