C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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