thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
