Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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