he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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