Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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