Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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