I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
