unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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