we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize