it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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