I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
