he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
