I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
