it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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