I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
