Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
