she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
