ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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