If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
