smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
