I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
