I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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