Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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