i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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