He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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