i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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