What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
