speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
