When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
