So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
