Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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