I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i've created a new STD.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
