im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize