dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The Olympian is in my bed
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
