apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
