Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
