I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
