he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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