Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Terrible idea I love it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
