K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
