did you get engaged???
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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