connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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