Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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