this boner is exhausting
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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