Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Screwed.edu
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
