It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
