the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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