I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
