I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
