The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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