dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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