Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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