it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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