She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
