my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
