woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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