i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
