fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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