ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
