checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
