He uses pillows to masturbate.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
