Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
