its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i think im in europe. pls send help
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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